I Am In A Rut, How Do I Get Out?
I am in a rut, how do I get out? I don't feel like there is anything I can do that will change my life. It all seems hopeless. Help!
- Name Withheld
Thank you for your question and permission to use it. It isn't easy to admit you have hit a dead end and need help in your life, but it is a powerful step.
First realize that you are not alone. Many people, including those we consider the great people in their fields have been in ruts and suffered from depression and many of those people got out of their ruts and enjoyed life again. We can find that is factual from many biographies.
Next realize you have the power to change how you feel and to change your life. You know others have, you also know that at times you have. Claim that power and use it. Just turning on some upbeat music and moving around the house can affect our mood. It won't correct our life problems, but it will show us we have the power to change how we feel and it can be something as simple as turning on music for a start.
To give you specific advice I would have to know more about you and your circumstances, but here are some general tips.
"If it is to be, it is up to me." Realize you must act and by writing me you have already started.
Next, understand that if you were living an exciting life, then you would want to live it, you would be excited to live it. Go about making that life.
To take an extreme example, I find that people that have attempted suicide don't actually want to die. Wanting to die is not their actual goal, they just have a life they feel they can't face and being in an unresourceful state they chose to quit living to avoid a life they can't face. If I can help them to go about creating a life they think is worth living and they would enjoy facing, even embracing, then they will want to live that life.
People that come to me with depression have two common characteristics, one: they are habitually thinking sad or depressing thoughts and two: they are not actively engaged in life in a positive way.
I once asked a woman if she had ever tried to be happy and she looked at me as if I had suggested she go home and boil puppies for supper. With some work I found out she was known to her friends and family as the most depressed person alive. That was her identity, if she wasn't that person she didn't know who she would be or how she would interact with people. It took some time, but I got her to look at herself in another way and to find a way to "give up" her most depressed person identity and actually make a new one that she created by plan. Now she helps others overcome ruts and depression. She engages in life and does it in a positive way.
You may not have the strength to break out of your rut alone. The answer is never in a pill, but there is help in others. Good friends are good choices and a good Christian counselor will help you look to a power outside yourself that is greater than yourself to overcome problems you don't think you have the internal resources to overcome.
To sum it up in this short post, believe you have to power to change your life and you will have it. Do different things to have a different life. If you make a life you feel is exciting you will be excited to live it. Know that others have felt like you do and have overcome it. You are not alone or strange. Good friends are a good help. Writing things down on paper and then making plans and goals is a great way to work through problems and plan and change your life. If you have thoughts of hurting yourself or even think of suicide, remember someone always cares and there is always help, reach out for it. If the first person you talk with isn't a match and doesn't feel like the person to help you, then just try again. You wouldn't expect to find the perfect mate on the first date you go out on, so realize you may have to reach out and look for help more than once to find the right match for you and your new life. Throw out your "rules to life" things that limit you and keep you from seeking and creating a life you would love to live. Helping others is a way to find meaning and purpose, it is also very rewarding, so consider helping someone everyday in a simple way, even if it is just to give a compliment or hold a door for someone that has trouble getting around. Good Christian counseling is counseling that can add meaning to your life. Secular counseling may help you with your problems, but it can't tell you why you are here in the world or help you with meaning or purpose that goes beyond this life and material things.
Please email me regularly and keep me posted on your progress.
best and be blest,
Scott Hogue CChH
I heard you mention the three secrets, what are they?
Milton, if you have heard The Three Secrets mentioned and not explained, you probably have got a hold of some old training I did as I was working this all out. There are still things circulating on the internet that I did 20 years or more ago and either I or someone else put them up when the internet was becoming popular. I suggest you go to the home page and sign up for the free resource list to bring you up to speed, but I will touch on this here.
The Three Steps To Wealth are:
1. Get the information.
2. Study the information.
3. Use and apply the information.
The Three Secrets To The Three Steps To Wealth are:
1. You must get the correct information.
2. You must study it not until you know it, but it has changed you.
3. You must apply that information in a certain way.
Take the information, fly fishing is a bit different than fly baseballs. You must have the correct information for what you are trying to do. I got mine from millionaires and billionaires and in my training I cover that and explain how I got it in depth.
Now on to study. Frank has studied the flight manual, do you want to go up on his first flight and with no instructor on board? Me neither. No amount of reading the flight manual will make you a pilot. It takes a different type of study to change you into a pilot.
Apply the information in a certain way. There is a certain way to go about this outlined in Wallace Wattles book, "The Science Of Getting Rich." That is a bit more involved than I can go into here, but it has to do with intention, creation, efficiency and effectiveness to name a few things.
Sign up for the free resource list and that will bring you into the 21st Century with my teaching and training.
best and be blest,
Scott Hogue CChH
I heard you say you taught relationships in five minutes, do you really have a five minute relationship course?
Tammy, that one came back to haunt me. I have people ask it from time to time. It isn't actually a course and it doesn't cover everything, but yes, I can teach you the basics in five minutes in person. Not sure how long it takes in print, but here goes.
Napoleon Hill said this about relationships: "All you have to do is imagine everyone is a relative about to kick the bucket and you stand to get a million dollars if you can just manage to stay in the will!"
A lot of relationship problems come down to two things, we don't do what we know to do to have good relationships and we don't make having good relationships a goal.
For everything from car care and health care to child care and hair care we need people and we need good relationships with those people.
Try this for better relationships.
1. When you first get out of bed imagine a world without people. How long could you survive? Think of all of the things you need people for. Solitary confinement is considered the worst punishment in prison with prisoners often inuring themselves to be taken to treatment where they can interact with other people and avoid being alone.
2. Make it your goal to have a good relationship with everyone you meet. Consider it practice. You never know when you will need them or the people skills you develop with them.
3. People are more interested in themselves and the things that matter to them than anything else. If you want to impress someone, ask them questions about them and their life and then listen.
4. In a damaged relationship actions speak louder than words. The bridge for verbal communications may be down, but the bridge for communicating by actions seldom closes. A man contacted me and told me divorce was unavoidable, he and his wife hadn't spoke to each other for a week. I told him to quit trying to talk and start taking some action. Take her a glass of water and don't say a word and just walk away. Then buy her a card. Do little things and don't say a word.
The morning of the fourth day she spoke to him and said she didn't want things this way anymore. That was two years ago and I saw them last week and they are doing fine.
Hope this helps!
Scott Hogue CChH
Question of the day, Do you have to have money to make money?
The quick answer, No, but money never hurts.
Money is made by exchange. If you have money you can buy something to exchange, such as a case of bottled water to take to a park or kiddy sports game and sell by the bottle for more than you gave for it per bottle. So in that case money is helpful.
People also spend money on platforms, means to make money exchanges. Building a store is creating a platform and that takes money if you do it in a traditional way.
So, creating platforms to make money where you can make an offer, people can come and buy your product, that does take money.
On the other hand there are six categories of things you can exchange for money:
What you can do.
What you have.
What you can get.
What you know.
You can see how there are ways you can make exchanges in those categories without money. You can flip hamburgers, that is something you can do. You might have a book you have read and would like to exchange for money. Real Estate agents sell property they often don't own, but they can get it for you and we know that people lie all of the time for money, we call that fraud.
Why not go to the home page and sign up for the free resource list?
There you can learn more on the topic through The Three Steps To Wealth Training, free and priced resources.
best and be blest,
Scott Hogue CChH
Scott Hogue has been teaching people how to change their lives for decades. Isn't it time he helped you?
Since your circumstances are unique, you must see professional advice where there is risk. The information and ideas that Scott Hogue teaches is not a substitute for such personal advice.